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Hugh: Are you — What? Are you mad? I can't do that, that mustn't happen! You've got — I need you, to — Terri: What, to lie? Hugh: I think it was Derrida who said there is no such thing as actual empirical truth, but only — Terri: Yeah, I'll tell you what Derrida said, he said, 'Go fuck your face, Abbot! Terri: finally opening the door I can't even get out the fucking room!
Ollie: How was that? Hugh: I lied to the Select Committee. I lied! Is Tucker in the building? Ollie: Malcolm in the Middle. Hugh: What? Ollie: It's just what they're calling him now, 'cause he can stand in the middle of the atrium and just shout at all the departments. Hugh: Well I don't want to see him, not at the moment, I can't take one of his scenes from The Exorcist just now.
Glenn: Look, I don't think Ballentine's on to anything. Hugh: Oh no? Well, why did she keep asking, 'Just one expert? Only one? Not two experts? Less than three but not two? Glenn: It's her style, look, she's just trying to throw you off balance like a sumo wrestler. Hugh: Well it worked: there I was on the floor in a big fucking nappy.
Hugh: Christ Malcolm, how do you appear out of nowhere in a building made entirely out of glass? Malcolm: I'm a shape-shifter. Hugh: It's going to be like sitting on a tea crate, having chicken shit sprayed all over me. A civil servant: I'm sorry, can you stop swearing please? Ollie: Pretty well, yeah. Malcolm: Is that a lie? Ollie: Yeah. Malcolm: That is not fucking funny, you retard. I'm sorry about that, Glenn.
The situation just — Claire Ballentine: Are you lying to me now about not lying to me before? Hugh: No, I am not a liar. I categorically did not knowingly not tell the truth, even though unknowingly I might not have done. Hugh: I don't know what else can go wrong now. Unless the flexible energy system sets fire to my office and then puts it out by squirting liquefied human shit through the ceiling sprinklers.
Malcolm: Hey, I'm going to have a swear box installed on Monday. Malcolm: Fucking joking, you twat! I'm on turbo. Malcolm: to Terri God, right, okay, well, seein' as you're not used to this, I'll go through it for you, okay? What happens at a press conference is this. A bunch of press people are gonna appear, they've got things called cameras and microphones and mobile phones and hangovers and bad breath. Then you are gonna walk out and you're gonna read from what we call a "prepared statement".
In that you will say, "I'm really fucking sorry for sounding like a hairy-arsed docker after twelve pints. I promise that I will never call an 8-year-old girl a cunt again. Can we now just draw a line over this, and fucking move on. Thank you". Everybody goes home and then we wait and we see what happens.
The best case is you get to keep your job, although you will forever be known as the Sweary Woman of Whitehall. You're Health, that's your job! You should have rabies. Health should have rabies, right? So we're gonna have to swallow this one, but if we have to deal with a rabies outbreak we're gonna do it so fucking well, you're gonna be frothing at the mouth — yeah, twice! I feel like something out of Footballers' Wives.
Glenn: How do you know about Footballers' Wives? Hugh: Ollie told me. They all live in Chelmsford, have names like Madison and Chutney, they're an orange colour and they've got thongs up their cracks. The Rise Of The Nutters[ edit ] In the opening scene of this episode, Ollie Reeder and his girlfriend, Emma Messenger, are walking down the street together in the morning.
Ollie and Emma are on opposite sides of the British political spectrum. Nevertheless, the two of them are enjoying some good-natured banter talking about their party leaders. Ollie: I'm extremely impressed. I'm highly impressed that you're going to see the leader of your party.
Emma Messenger: Good. You should be impressed. Ollie: Although, ultimately, the leader of your party is just a man, really, isn't he? He's just a guy. Emma: Ah, now that's a good point, actually, because yours on the other hand is Ollie: No no no no.
Mine is Emma: What? What I'm saying is if we were playing Top Trumps, which we kind of are Emma: Oh, cor, we absolutely are, Ollie. Ollie: I win. Emma: Right. So it's Ben Swain Day today, is it? A Nutter in our midst. A junior minister for me to push around, you know. That's nice, isn't it?
A bit more power for me. Emma: You are an extremely powerful man, Ollie. Ollie: Very powerful, very attractive sexually, due to all this power. Jamie: Hey, Poxbridge! Malcolm: Hello! Jamie: Hey, dickhead! Happy New Queer! Malcolm: I'm really sorry, but I — don't be so offensive. I do apologise for my friend's behaviour. Did you have a nice Poof-mas? Ollie: What are you two, um, doing round Richmond Terrace then? Jamie: Oh, we're slumming it. Just going to see Julius, the big baldy ballbag.
Emma: Emma. It's Emma. Malcolm: to Ollie What are you doing down here? Ollie: I'm babysitting Ben Swain for the day. Malcolm: Could you water my spider plants in my office as well? Very very bright lad. Emma: I'll see you later. Ollie: Yeah, see you later. Ollie rushes inside to catch up with Jamie and Malcolm. Malcolm and Jamie are busting Ollie's chops about his relationship with Emma.
Jamie: to Ollie So, the girlfriend, she-she doesn't mind the whole, uh, you being gay thing? Malcolm: to Ollie Did you take her home for Christmas? Ollie: No. God, no. I couldn't do that. Malcolm: Oh no, you couldn't do that, 'cause she wouldn't fit in. She's probably allergic to pit ponies. Peter Mannion: Are they actually sleeping together? Phil Smith: Yes, yeah. In the flat. Peter: Do you think she's on top or, what-what do you hear?
Phil: Well, I hear her say, "How do you like it? It's just we're-we're having the bathroom done and I was in the kitchen this morning using the kettle as a mirror. Phil: No, you're very smooth. So it's a chrome kettle, then? Peter: You've been watching CSI again, haven't you? As Peter and Phil are walking up the stairs, they are joined by Emma, who is also Peter's advisor.
Emma: Morning. Phil: to Emma Oh, hello. How was sleeping with the enemy? Emma: sarcastically Oh, hilarious. I forgot how funny you were. The three of them are nearing the office Peter: to Emma What time are you seeing Stewart? Emma: It'll be in about half an hour. What about you? Peter: groaning Oh, I'll be last in. He's punishing me for standing against JB in the leadership contest by putting me in the Ryanair queue.
Emma: Come on, he got you that terrific photo op with the, uh, wind turbine thing on your house, remember? Peter: Yes, and it cost me 12 grand. And I have to pay for the electricity bill to keep the bugger turning because, of course, there's no wind in the valley, I have to plug it in.
But my next door neighbor has an England flag that just hangs there limply while my turbine mysteriously whizzes around. Phil: Could turn the turbine round so it blows his flag. Peter, Emma and Phil finally sit down. Phil: Right. What's up first, then, Peter? Emma: While we're here, we could bat a few ideas around. Peter: He wants something fluffy for the speech, does he?
Tax breaks for aromatherapists? SatNav for asylum seekers? Phil: Well, I was thinking about a departmental blog. Peter: groaning again Oh, God. Phil: I could actually do the.. Peter: Well, I mean, I might as well, I've knack all else to do. Peter turns to Phil Though, um Phil: I thought we could have like a guest book so that, kind of, you know, readers can kind of leave their comments. Peter: to Emma Are you sure? Have you ever Googled your own name? It's like opening a door to a room where everyone tells you how shit you are.
Ben Swain. What's his Newsnight angle gonna be, then? Ollie: Ben? Ben is going on Newsnight? Malcolm: chuckling Oh, you're a right little West Winger, you, aren't you? They're cutting you out of the loop already? Ollie: Well, I'll check who the presenter is and obviously Jamie: The presenter is Newsbot 3. He's a nobody. He's a fucking scorch mark. Malcolm: Paxo's in Kenya fly-fishing with Stephen Fry or whatever the fuck it is he does. Kirsty is sobering up in Kilmarnock with her gran, so she's out of the picture.
Ollie: Well, I'll just check the lines with Pat Morrissey, then. And then we'll Jamie: Pat Morrissey? Jamie: Her? What, Fat Pat? Jamie: "Pumpkin Tits? Pat and, uh, Communications have asked that everything be double-ticked through her from now. Malcolm: sarcastically Oh well, well obviously!
Yes, that's-that's very very nice and that's very fucking big of them! I get a tick! Ollie: So I mean, it's, it's two ticks for a, uh, a green light, basically, that's the system. Malcolm: beside himself Pat Morrissey. Communications is full of Nutters these days. Jamie: Soon as the PM said he'd be gone inside a year, the Nutters start popping up like mela-fucking-noma.
Malcolm: to Ollie See you later. See you in a tick. Jamie: to Ollie What about you? You're not a Nutter, are you? Ollie: I-I'm not a Nutter, Jamie. I'm a nipper. Ollie then bumps into Terri. Ollie: Hey, Terri! Ollie: How was Christmas? Terri: Oh, you know Ollie: Yeah, I know, yeah. Six pairs of socks, three Harry Potter omnibuses.
All that "I thought you were taking the giblets out. Don't give Nan any more Baileys. She's only got the one pad with her. Every bloody year. Terri: Yeah, well, you know, just me and Mum in the care home. Ollie: Right. So, eh, Ben on Newsnight? Terri: Ben Swain's going on Newsnight? Ollie: Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, thank God you didn't know, either. I thought it was just me. Terri: Oh no no no.
I did know about that, actually. Ollie: Well, why did you say it like that, then? I'm very well wired into the Tommists. Ollie: laughing Nobody calls them Tommists. They're Nutters, Terri. Nobody calls them Tommists. Terri: dead serious I don't like that word.
My sister works in mental health. Ben Swain, the Junior Minister that Ollie is "babysitting," arrives at the office. Ben Swain: Morning, all! Terri: Benjamin! Happy New Year! Ollie: Ben! Ben: Happy New Year to you as well. Glenn: to Ben These are the briefing notes. Ben: Ah, splendid. I'll file these directly in the shredder. Thank you, Glenn. Ben, Glenn and Ollie enter an office. Glenn: to Ben If you just, uh, stick to what's in there, you'll be all right.
Just remember, you're the night watchman, all right? But thank you very much for everything, I'll be fine without you holding my hand. You enjoy your weekend cottaging in Wales or whatever it is you're up to. When is it coming out? Ben: End of the, end of the week. You'll be able to make the launch party? Terri: to Ben Great title.
Adherents of the Ahmadiyya movement claim to be strictly Muslim, but are widely viewed by other Muslim groups as either disbelievers or heretics. Sayyid Mohammed Abdullah Hassan — , who led the Dervish State in present-day Somalia in a two-decade long resistance movement against the Ethiopian , British , and Italian Empires between and Juhayman al-Otaybi — , who seized the Grand Mosque in Mecca in November and declared his brother-in-law the Mahdi.
He claimed to be Isa himself after his imprisonment. Adnan Oktar 2 February , an Islamic creationist cult leader, active in Turkey since He believes himself to be the Islamic Messiah and focuses his brand of Islam on close reading of the Quran, with dramatic presentations similar to Christian televangelism, and is the author of The Atlas of Creation.
See also Combination messiah claimants below. Zoroastrian Messiah claimants[ edit ] Bahram Chobin , after he usurped the throne of the Sassanian Empire , declared himself to be the Messiah in the midst of the eschatological times of the late 6th century AD  Combination messiah claimants[ edit ] This list features people who are said, either by themselves or their followers, to be the messianic fulfillment of two or more religious traditions.
Jiddu Krishnamurti in renounced the status of Messiah and Maitreya incarnation given him by the Theosophical Society. He claimed he was indwelled with the same spirit that dwelled in Jesus, however, Miranda also contradicted his claims of being Christ incarnate by also claiming he was the Antichrist, even going as far as tattooing the number of the beast on his forearm, a behavior his followers also adopted.
Founder of the "Growing in Grace" ministries, Miranda died on August 14, , due to liver cancer. Okawa claims to channel the spirits of Muhammad, Christ, Buddha and Confucius and claims to be the incarnation of the supreme spiritual being called El Cantare. Other messiah claimants[ edit ] This list features people who are said, either by themselves or their followers, to be some form of a messiah that do not easily fit into only Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
Cyrus Teed — , proponent of the Hollow Earth theory who created a distinct model in which the world is an inverted sphere that the rest of universe can be seen from by looking inward and claimed to be the incarnation of Jesus Christ after being electrocuted when attempting to practice alchemy with doses of magnetism during
Another example is a list of 1, Spanish-Portuguese Jewish names on gravestones in Jamaica from the 17th century to the 20th century. A third example is 2, records from the Inquisition in Mexico. Genie Milgrom searching for rare, antique and out-of-print books in Montevideo, Uruguay. Courtesy In each of these collections, the following information is supplied where available : First name, last name, alias, year of documentation , origin, residence, occupation, special comments, and reference source of the information.
The second option for searching the database is alphabetically by family name, from Aabela to Zemmour. A bibliography is provided for each name so that searchers can go to the original book s or document s where the name appears and do their follow-up research. I needed to use a computer program that would read across all my spreadsheets and trace the progression of these names through space and time. Gravestone in Spanish-Portuguese Jewish cemetery in Jamaica.
He was also able to connect his Huguenot relations back to Spain and to relatives who remained Jewish. It took me three years of non-stop work. To put together the name database and additional resources, Milgrom traveled the world, visiting every country with connections to Sephardic Jews and Crypto-Jews.
She spent countless hours in archives, cemeteries, museums, synagogues, and rare and antique bookshops. Her website will also offer free access to documents from the Central Archives for the History of the Jewish People , and training videos on how to use the database and the auxiliary materials. Names of Jews whose ancestors were expelled from Iberia appear on a memorial wall in Casablanca, Morocco. The certificate registration process in English and Spanish asks for the submission of information like family name, family origin, DNA test results, family trees, genealogical work completed, documentation of family customs, and photos of Jewish heirlooms.
Following deliberation by an expert panel which may request additional information , the applicant is informed whether or not they qualify for certification. All proceeds will go toward furthering the initiative. The traditional Festival of Santa Esterica was preserved among the Conversos who migrated to the New World and is still practiced today among their descendants.
Early colonial period—16th century[ edit ] Some of the Sephardic Jews expelled from Spain went to Portugal, but in that country effectively converted all remaining Jewish children, making them wards of the state unless the parents also converted. Therefore, many of the early crypto-Jewish migrants to Mexico in the early colonial days were technically first to second-generation Portuguese with Spanish roots before that.
The number of such Portuguese migrants was significant enough that Spanish colonists began to use "Portuguese" as a synonym for "Jewish" for their settlers. Immigration to Mexico offered lucrative trade possibilities in a well-populated colony with nascent Spanish culture. Some migrants believed that this region would be more tolerant since the lands were overwhelmingly populated by non-Christian indigenous peoples and it was far removed from the metropole.
Officials found and condemned clandestine synagogues in Mexico City. At this point, colonial administrators instituted the Law of the Pure Blood , which prohibited migration to Mexico for New Christians Cristiano Nuevo , i. In addition, the administration initiated the Mexican Inquisition to ensure the Catholic orthodoxy of all migrants to Mexico. The Mexico Inquisition was also deployed in the traditional manner to ensure orthodoxy of converted indigenous peoples.
Spain financed the expansion by exploiting mineral wealth, enslaving, or forcing indigenous peoples to labor in mines. It established encomiendas for raising livestock, thereby displacing the local people. The Chichimec , Apache , and other tribes resisted conversion to Christianity and avoided being impressed as laborers or slaves on Spanish ranches and in mines.
The Spanish believed such peoples made the frontier frontera a lawless region. Because of the dangers and difficulties of this region, Carvajal y de la Cueva received an exemption in his charter from the usual requirement that he prove that all new settlers were "Old Christians" of at least three generations rather than recently converted Jews or Muslims. Within a few years, some people reported to authorities in Mexico City that Jewish rites were being performed in the Northern Province and efforts to convert heathen indigenous peoples were lax.
The sentence was later reversed, but he had already been killed in the Molucca Islands when the Chinese slaves on his ship mutinied. They were arrested and jailed. The governor subsequently died in jail, prior to a sentence of exile. His niece Anna Carvajal had been tortured and implicated all the family in so-called charges.
They were all executed by burning at the stake for relapsing into Judaism, except for one nephew who escaped arrest. The governor's nephews changed their surname to Lumbroso. One of these was Joseph Lumbroso, also known as Luis de Carvajal el Mozo , who is said to have circumcised himself in the desert to conform to Jewish law.
He committed suicide to avoid being burned at the stake. His memoirs, letters and inquisition record were preserved and are held in the archive. Two other nephews also changed their names to Lumbroso and migrated to Italy, where they became noted rabbis.
Told one is Jewish explicitly by parents, grandparents, or other relatives, a boy when he turns 13, a girl at Having Jewish family names: Duran, Lopez, etc. Secret synagogues; secret . The 12 Jewish names that Nelken discovered are quite common among citizens of Spanish-speaking countries. There were so many crypto-Jews in Mexico at one point that they had . With some million people, mostly in Latin America and Europe, with Jewish ancestry, new imitative aims to certify 'crypto-Jews'. Israel National News ,